Say you pass to a new metropolis
Say you move to a new city. Say you circulate to Bengaluru. Beyond roti, kapda aur makaan (food, garments and domestic), maximum folks long for a network of friends mainly submit Covid. The problem is that pals don’t materialize. They ought to be created, connected with and nurtured. This skill, trait, call it what you wish, is my preferred solution to an often asked query: What do you desire you had known when you have been 18?.
To that, I might say, “Learn to make and maintain a huge and unfastened set of buddies.”
British anthropologist Robin Dunbar proposed that the common human can keep one hundred fifty social relationships. This “Dunbar’s number” as it got here to be referred to as, became a speaking point in many fields: commercial enterprise, team-constructing, psychology and greater. Networking websites suggested that applicants who had 157 relationships pronounced the very best level of job-offer success. This makes experience. If you’re among jobs, the first aspect you are going to do is attain out on your buddies, or as a minimum, to the people , for possibilities. Wouldn’t it make sense to have greater “contacts” in that case?
Let me be clean: I am not speakme right here of Twitter followers or LinkedIn connections. When I say social relationships, I mean precisely that. People you’ve got met at the least as soon as in individual and people you have kept in contact with. In enterprise, this has turn out to be referred to as a community and its addendum verb, networking.
If you are true and empathetic, the trouble is that networking has this type of “matlabi” context. It feels opportunistic to cultivate humans simply so that you can milk them for career opportunities or patron contacts. Most people have problem doing this.
The solution, at least in my ebook, is to have a loose set of friendships not due to the fact you need to ‘community’ with them or get something from them but due to the fact you share a commonplace hobby, be it golf or bridge or trekking or wine.
At non-public stage additionally, I actually have determined that the quality profession possibilities got here no longer through diligent networking however from a person who become in the outer ring of the human beings that I understand– the unfastened friendship.
I have watched people who are master networkers. Every unmarried considered one of them hates that term. All of them have a few matters in not unusual. First of all, they take pleasure in supporting people. When they meet a new person, they assume, “What can I offer this person?” instead of “What can I get from this character?” They do this authentically due to the fact they’ve what books call an “abundance mind-set.” Somehow, they have geared their minds into wondering that what belongs to them will come to them, that the universe is kind and is calling out for them, that they don’t need to scramble or compete for opportunities because the pie is massive sufficient for everybody to devour from. They get ahead now not by taking however by way of giving. These aren’t accurate Samaritan oldsters, although some of them may be. These are difficult-driving experts who think otherwise.
The next thing that those parents have in common is that they maintain a free connection with a huge quantity of human beings – Dunbar’s one hundred fifty however regularly a whole lot greater. They might not speak to all a hundred and fifty of their connections frequently however they somehow join on a fairly normal foundation, whether or not it’s miles calling as soon as a 12 months on Christmas or Diwali, or sending a birthday card, or sharing an editorial that might be of interest to the other character. The takeaway: they recognition on the alternative individual, not on themselves.
The 0.33 issue that those grasp networkers have in common is that they have found out a manner to be part of groups. To me, this is the very best way to maintain plenty of connections.
Bengaluru has a lot of such communities, all of that are terrific if you are new to this metropolis. I’ll tell you the ones that I have encountered.
Golf is massive right here. If you like the game, your network is made. Play as soon as every week, either on the Bangalore Golf Club or Karnataka Golf Association, like my buddy, Jayashankar does. You will quickly have a set of friends who will assist you sort thru facts, percentage tips and help you experience life.
I personal a Royal Enfield but I am now not a bike rider. I desire I have been because there are thriving motorcycle clubs. Some ride best Harleys. Others swear by Enfield. They trip to Nandi Hills on weekends, have a meal there and go back. Over several weekends, friendships are made.
I even have written generally here approximately the meals and wine golf equipment within the metropolis. Also, about birding agencies. I am an occasional hiker/trekker however no longer a ordinary one. Trekking is a super manner to satisfy new oldsters and hold friendships alive due to the fact you’re together in nature for some hours at least. All this lets in for communication and connection.
So, get out there. Bike, trek, share a meal or play golfing or bridge. Make friends, due to the fact at the cease of the day, that’s what makes a city home.